BOOK II

OCTOBER 20

I do not know what is wrong with this ambassador. He has a terrible attitude. He has not left his room since we arrived yesterday. I can see now that this job is not going to be an easy one. But I must try to keep a happy view of things. Happy! If only I did not have to watch so many fools around me acting as though they were great men. Why cannot I, a person with real talents, have the same kind of confidence about myself?

You have given me good advice, Wilhelm. Being around other people is making me feel much better. I now realize the bad thing about being alone for too long. Without people around us, we begin to feel that everyone else is better than we are. Working again has lifted my spirits and helped me to feel better about myself I have once again joined in the big competition of life among men.

NOVEMBER 26

Things are starting to get better here. I continue to meet more people, each with their own ideas about life and the world. There is one man whom I particularly respect: Count C. He is extremely intelligent and surprisingly kind-hearted, He has recognized my intelligence, as well, and now speaks to me in a higher way than he does the others. It is a wonderful feeling when someone so important treats you as though you are nearly his equal.

DECEMBER 24

I knew this ambassador would be troublesome. He is truly a fool. He cannot do anything quickly, nor can he be satisfied when his work is done. He always has to check it and then recheck it. Often he forces me to write a letter for him. The letter is perfect, yet he will always find something wrong with it, and then I must re-write it three or four times. It never ends!

Thank goodness the Count C is here. He, himself, said that he was disappointed in the ambassador. He feels the man is too slow and pays too much attention to unimportant details. "However," he said, "like a mountain that is in our path, we cannot complain that it is there. We simply have to climb it."

The ambassador has noticed my friendship with the count and likes to say bad things about him to me. He says things like, "Count C is a smart fellow and his writing is quite good, however, like most brilliant men, his education is incomplete." This really angered me, because I felt he was also talking about me. But I managed to remain calm and simply said, "I respect the count's ability to know so much about the world and yet remain a good, solid businessman. Few people can be so good at so many things." The ambassador did not seem to understand. I left him alone with his own confused thoughts.

It is your fault that I am here. You said that I ought to do something different with my life. Now look at me, working like a slave. Actually, a slave's work is much more useful to the world than mine.

It makes me ill to see the way so many people behave. They all want to climb the social ladder, and they are shameless about it. One woman here always talks as if her family were the richest in the land, yet she is nothing more than a civil servant's daughter. Why do people act in such embarrassing ways?

I try not to be so critical of the people around me, but it is hard. If they would just leave me alone, I would have nothing bad to say about them.

JANUARY 20

I simply had to write this letter to you, Charlotte. I have gotten a little room in a hotel in order to get out of a bad storm that has just broken out. Before now, the desire to write to you had never once entered my mind. This storm, however immediately brought back the memory of our first evening together. Do you remember, dearest Charlotte? My life, since I left you, has just gotten increasingly unhappy. I sleep late and hardly ever go out People seem to me like nothing but simple puppets.

I managed to meet one person who interests me. Her name is Miss B and she reminds me of you in some ways, but not all. She is full of energy, which can be seen in her beautiful eyes. She finds her status in society troublesome. She does not care at all about being fashionable. She and I both talk about wanting to, one day, leave city life behind us, and move to the peaceful quiet countryside. Then I talk about you to her. She loves to listen to my stories about you.

God! How I wish I could be with you now. I miss your children so much. I miss telling them stories.

Ah! The sun is going down and the storm has finished. I had better stop here. Goodbye! I suppose Albert is there with you now. Is he important to you? I am sorry to ask this.

FEBRUARY 8

God, the weather has been terrible lately. Just today the snow finished falling. I have, however, managed to keep the weather from upsetting me. A nice sunny day would not make me any happier, because the people around me would still be the same. They do not appreciate the sun when it comes each day. They do not even pay attention to it, for they are too busy destroying themselves and everyone around them. They do this because they are stupid. They say that they do not mean any harm, and yet that does not make me hate them less. How I wish that I could prevent them from doing more damage to themselves.

FEBRUARY 17

I do not think that I can continue working for the ambassador. I disagree with him so often now that I have begun to do things my own way, which he always finds completely unsatisfactory. He actually said something about this to the minister here, who then told me that I must do as the ambassador wishes. I was ready to quit at that moment, when, I then got a letter from the minister, praising my work and respectfully asking that I simply follow the orders of the ambassador. I was impressed by this and immediately calmed. Every day is so emotionally up and down for me. I wish that happiness would not come and go so often.

FEBRUARY 20

Congratulations to the two of you! I hope that you will enjoy the happiness that I know I will never be able to enjoy.

It is good that you hid your wedding day from me. I had planned to put away Charlotte's picture when the day was announced. Now, however, that you are already married, I have decided to keep her picture up on my wall. For, although I can never be the first man in her life, I hope always to be the second! I would go crazy if she were ever to forget about me. Goodbye, Albert! Goodbye, dearest Charlotte!

MARCH 15

Something unfortunate has just happened to me that will cause me to have to leave this place. I am tired of all this. I want to die! Again, it is all your fault! You pushed me to take this job. Now I have suffered a great deal. I know your first thought will be: "Werther is being ridiculously sensitive." In order to prove to you that I am not, I will tell you all that happened.

Everyone knows that I have a friendly relationship with the Count of C. He and I had dinner together yesterday, just before a large gathering of high society people at his home. He, the Colonel B, and I were having a pleasant conversation together, when people started to arrive for the gathering. Generally speaking, I do not like high society people, for they tend to look down upon everyone. I was getting ready to leave, when suddenly the charming Miss B entered the room. I began to talk with her, but noticed that she seemed a little uncomfortable. It was true that my clothing looked terribly cheap and out of fashion compared to everyone else. However, I did not guess that Miss B would actually care about such a thing. When I tried talking with a few other people I knew, I found that they were less friendly than usual. I saw small groups of women looking at me and whispering to each other. Eventually, the Count of C approached me and gently led me to a quiet corner. "I do apologize," he then began, "but it seems that the other guests do not feel comfortable with you being here." I apologized as well for having stayed too long and then immediately left the house.

When I got back to my hotel, A, a very nice fellow, came up to me and said, "You look unhappy. I heard about what happened at the Count's home."

"It doesn't bother me," I said, "I wanted to leave anyway. I don't like those kinds of people."

"It's just unfortunate that so many people know about it already," he added.

After that, I began to feel terribly embarrassed. I felt like everyone was looking at me and laughing. It made me even more ridiculous to criticize high society and yet have friends like the count. I was now the biggest fool among fools. I can handle laughter from fools whom I know are stupid and think incorrectly about something. But when I myself have done something wrong, I cannot help but feel the deepest shame in the world.

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